All of Thailand on My Case
Everyone said the same word every second sentence: farang
8 PM, I pull into the parking lot and stop the car.
Suddenly a Thai guy walks up and bangs on my window, furious.
I roll it down.
“Come see what you did!!” he says in angry English.
Did I run someone over?!
He leads me to his car and shows me a broken taillight.
Behind his car stands another vehicle with a small dent in the bumper.
His claim: I braked too fast, then he braked, then the car behind him hit him.
From friends’ stories I know that in Thailand, you close these things as fast as possible.
Doesn’t matter if I’m right or not - I’m a foreign guest here, and word is I don’t stand much chance in court against locals.
So like I learned from the stories, I tell the guy - sorry if I braked too fast, let me pay for the broken taillight.
“No way! I called the police, they’re on their way.”
I’m confused. I just offered to pay for the taillight - why does he need the police here?
Starting to worry I don’t understand this situation at all.
I have an idea. I’ll call the Tourist Police - I’ve heard they look out for foreigners here.
The Tourist Police tell me accidents are regular traffic police business, nothing to do with them.
I’m alone in this.
The police arrive.
The officers and the two Thai drivers who collided behind me huddle in a dense conversation in Thai.
I studied Thai for 8 months and I know 7 words, but it doesn’t help - the only word I recognize is farang. It means “foreigner.” Me. And they’re saying farang every other word.
I understand they’re describing reality to the officers however suits them, and I have zero say in it.
I try opening ChatGPT on my phone and standing next to the group - let it listen and translate for me. It picks up nothing.
More locals arrive at the scene in private cars.
I understand later these are the insurance agents of the locals who collided behind me.
Maybe I should get an insurance agent here too? Do I have an insurance agent for the rental car? How does this work?
Suddenly a tow truck arrives. Then two more. Three trucks total - two crew members each.
Why a tow truck?! One taillight broke. Everyone’s healthy and every car drives.
Nobody even touched my car - why do we need three tow trucks?!
I start to suspect a party is being organized at my expense.
All that happened here: a taillight broke, maybe 200 baht to replace, and a bumper got slightly creased, probably no drama to fix either.
Why is half the island gathering here at night?
My goal - fold this event as fast as possible. Don’t confront, don’t argue, don’t end up at a police station and definitely not in court.
I make a decision in my head - any number they throw at me up to 50,000 baht, I pay on the spot and continue with my life.
I decide the most effective thing to do is get closer to the angry guy who insisted on calling the police.
I start talking to him using the 7 words I know in Thai.
He’s apparently moved that I bothered to learn his language, and apologizes for raising his voice and being angry.
He explains that the police are checking the road cameras right now to see who’s at fault.
We start chatting. He tells me about his life and his businesses, I tell him how we ended up in Koh Samui and that my wife sings in bars here in Thai.
I ask him in mixed English-Thai - why did they bring 3 tow trucks if all the cars drive?
He explains it’s standard procedure, in case the driver starts acting up - then the police cuff him and the truck takes the car.
A few minutes later the officer says something to him in Thai.
“The officer said you can go. Either way, brake slower next time.”
I didn’t even finish my goodbye ‘Kapunakp’ and I was already in my running car, navigating out of the parking lot between all the people who’d gathered.
I was in shock that I got out of this without paying.
A few months after this incident - I was making a turn, and a motorbike that overtook the car letting me turn scraped my bumper.
He scratched his bike a little. Nothing happened to him.
I walked over to ask if he was hurt - he said he was fine.
A few minutes later his uncle showed up - an insurance agent, experienced in the situation.
Long story short - the biker suddenly started claiming internal organ damage, and that his bike would be out of commission for at least a month, and that I need to compensate him for a month of lost income.
At first I rebelled against the transparent shakedown attempt - but the whole family was waiting in the car, I was sick and hoarse with no voice, and Lital tells me just pay, that’s how it works here.
After about an hour of negotiation with hand gestures and phone messages - I gave in.
I didn’t want to risk him now bringing a doctor friend to determine his internal organs were damaged.
I paid 25,000 baht and continued with my life.